winterophelia

Stuff has happened as it does. Naked scrabble and tacos. Impromptu Star Wars pick up. Staying up all night trying to play xbox live. All three Cube movies. Refreshing /co/ every 5 minutes. Reading comics. Watching How I Met Your Mother, Heroes, etc. Being a little bit less of a hermit. Amazing correspondence with Jonathan. Buying shit from Hot Topic clearance. Lots of booze. I'll try and elaborate on more later.

Now for the bit that I just need to put out there to get out of my system.

Things are starting to pile up again, but not like before. I know what the cause is, it's not as bad, and I'll muddle through, it's just frustrating. A lot of it is the silly fact that I just miss my mom a whole lot. I've only had one other bout of serious homesickness and that was freshman year, which makes sense (not that this doesn't completely, but it's kinda late in the game to get all weepy about it). I really just want her to bring me some juice and then fall asleep while I try to make her watch a movie. Seeing her soon should make this better.

That's probably manifesting because of stress, which is the second real issue here. Stress is coming from midterms and actually needing to do work/having a really hard time figuring out what to do for these papers I have to write. Also, failing at doing school SUPER HARD. I never want to go to class. If I wasn't this close to the end I'd take time off if not drop out entirely. I could care less about my major anymore. I'm starting to kick myself for not doing something more creative, cause an art degree would be just about as useful to me as a history degree once I graduate. I did the academic part of college way wrong. It's also coming from it already being October, being a semester and a half away from graduating and having no idea what to do after that. Mike, Patrick, and I have been talking about it, which makes things better, but I still can't deal with the question seriously without getting really anxious about it.

The last part of the equation is little things. Example, I slept too much today, didn't do research like I had planned, didn't really do anything productive with my time before game, my room's a dump but I'm not doing anything about it, fell down like an hour ago and it still really hurts, can't find a topic for Pompeii paper which should be really easy, can't even motivate myself enough to take a fucking shower. Normally, I'd totally blow these things off, but at some point I just got super bent out of shape about it all (I think it was falling down that launched me over the edge of grumpy to feeling all emo). What the hell? This is really the first time since being back at school that I've actually gotten peeved and "wtf are you doing?" with myself. It's the first time I've felt a little lonely. I'm confident that I can motivate my way out of this, though, especially after I arrange school work in a less daunting manner. I feel a bit better already.

I need to start going to the gym with Veronica. 1)Working out is supposed to do something with endorphins. 2) I'll feel less bad about eating utter junk most of the time. 3) More Veronica.

Sleep is also good.