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Once upon a time Ms.Lucy Bevan and Ms.Mary Selway were asked to do casting for a movie, as they rightfully should be, seeing as they are both casting directors, Ms.Selway being a rather prominent staple in Hollywood. Not wanting to waste too much time they took a merry jaunt over to the Pirates of the Caribbean 2 set and saw some nice men poncing around with swords. "Oi!" they shouted, "Fancy starring in a film that takes place about a century before this one where you get to wear big wigs and ponce around even more than you're doing now?"
To this Johnny Depp replied, "You've come to the right place, ladies, because we are actors. Acting is what we do, and I would be more than willing to take on such a project, but I must be drunk for the entire production and play a charmless douche."
"Very well, we have just the role for you!" the casting directors exclaimed excitedly. "What about the rest of you?"
"Seeing as how I'm stuck in the vicious cycle of appearing in romantic comedies and television shows, I might have a go at it," Jack Davenport chimed in.
"I would like to come along as well," Tom Hollander said, "but only if I can wear a wig three times the size of this one."
"Blast. I have sixteen other movies I'm making this weekend, I'm afraid I can't make it," Orlando Bloom groaned, checking his daily planner.
"Not to fret," Ms.Bevan and Ms.Selway said, "We'll cast this kid who looks just like you, except he has a more chiseled jaw and is girlier...if that's possible." They turned to leave but then added, "Oh, Jack, call your friend Richard Coyle and ask if he'd like to play a foul mouthed servant. It seems we've managed to cast nearly the entire movie. Now all we need are some leading ladies, a hand full of whores, and John Malkovich!" And they pillyminted off in search of some wonderful, but underutilized actresses and John Malkovich.
The End.
To this Johnny Depp replied, "You've come to the right place, ladies, because we are actors. Acting is what we do, and I would be more than willing to take on such a project, but I must be drunk for the entire production and play a charmless douche."
"Very well, we have just the role for you!" the casting directors exclaimed excitedly. "What about the rest of you?"
"Seeing as how I'm stuck in the vicious cycle of appearing in romantic comedies and television shows, I might have a go at it," Jack Davenport chimed in.
"I would like to come along as well," Tom Hollander said, "but only if I can wear a wig three times the size of this one."
"Blast. I have sixteen other movies I'm making this weekend, I'm afraid I can't make it," Orlando Bloom groaned, checking his daily planner.
"Not to fret," Ms.Bevan and Ms.Selway said, "We'll cast this kid who looks just like you, except he has a more chiseled jaw and is girlier...if that's possible." They turned to leave but then added, "Oh, Jack, call your friend Richard Coyle and ask if he'd like to play a foul mouthed servant. It seems we've managed to cast nearly the entire movie. Now all we need are some leading ladies, a hand full of whores, and John Malkovich!" And they pillyminted off in search of some wonderful, but underutilized actresses and John Malkovich.
The End.
